It’s The Computer’s Fault

MY COMPUTER IS MOCKING ME

I can’t be sure, but I think I heard it snickering. Obviously, my laptop can’t mock or laugh. It isn’t alive, or sentient, but a soulless machine; a dull collection of boring bits and pieces.

THAT SOUNDED HARSH

I apologize to those of you who love your computer and feel that you share a special relationship with it, or with him, or her.

It’s just that I’ve sitting for 20 minutes trying to think of something to blog about. Usually I’m inspired. Most mornings I have something that I’m excited to write. But not today.

writers-block-vintage
(That isn’t me, but its close, really very close.)

I’ve even tried reviewing my common themes, which are:

  1. The cat
  2. Routine daily life
  3. Marriage stuff
  4. Friendship/Relationships
  5. The house

And other stimulating topics.

But this morning I find myself with writer’s block, a blank mind, a sleepy outlook. I don’t have anything to say. Cant find the words. I’m bereft of thought. As far as writing is concerned, I am without speech.

So here are a few closing thoughts about my writing:

  1. Award winning writing is extremely hard to do.
  2. I know not every thing I write is award winning stuff.
  3. Actually, nothing I’ve ever written has gotten an award.
  4. How come nobody thinks my writing should get an award?
  5. What’s wrong with those people?

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I hope things go better for you today than they seem to be going for me.

Inspiration and motivation will return, perhaps soon, maybe tomorrow. Maybe I just need a cup of coffee. Or some waffles. Sure, that’s it.

On that happy note, have a good and blessed Saturday.

It’s A Bulb Thing

Here’s A Thing

Our closet light went out. It’s a fluorescent fixture that uses a pair of 4′ tubes. I bought the replacements tubes, set up the big A-frame ladder, and did the deed. No problem.

Here’s The Problem

The fixture uses mini-tubes. They’re the same length, but different diameter. I of course bought the large diameter tubes that wouldn’t fit.

It’s A Bulb Thing

I’m a big fan of electric lights. I’ve never known a day without them. Except of course when camping in the wilderness and the week after hurricane Ike.

light-bulbs-bg-hero

There are all kinds of light bulbs in my house:

incandescent bulbs

low and high wattage bulbs

those energy efficient curly bulbs

refrigerator bulbs

oven light bulbs

tulip style bulbs

mini-lights under the kitchen cabinets

small desk light bulbs

three in one bulbs

spot light bulbs

small and large base bulbs

night light bulbs

media room bulbs

bathroom fixtures bulbs

LED lights

halogen bulbs

the large bulbs for the kitchen “can” lights

and more…..

Are you kidding me? Really? Mr. Edison would be so happy.

Why Does It Matter?

It doesn’t matter, not really. But up on the ladder, realizing that my closet’s low-end light fixture utilizes “special fluorescent tubes” well, it just struck me as odd.

When did I become so deserving of having so many lights?

This morning, at 6:15, I walked through the house and counted 96 bulbs currently installed. They are rarely, if ever, all turned on at the same time, but still, nearly 100 light bulbs!

Some Questions

  1. Are we afraid of the dark?
  2. When did light become a fashion statement?
  3. Just how bright does every room, corner, and closet need to be?
  4. Are we in danger of catching a dreaded “dark-disease?”
  5. In addition to all the light bulbs, do we really need dozens of candles?

pretty lights

We can certainly see well enough, but we may have lost our minds!

Finally

This morning I got to my desk, turned on the lamp, opened my laptop, and began blogging, while listening to music. After a few minutes, I went into the kitchen, flipped the switch that turned on about a dozen lights and made some coffee.

Then I came back to finish blogging about people’s obsession with electric lights.

office desk light

Some people are just so unaware.

Key Steps To A Better You

I’m pausing my regular blog to offer these four easy to becoming a better you. Please note that these are key steps, as opposed to non-key steps. Your non-key steps can be useful, but not very.

home_gym_2
Get Committed to Dedication

First Key Step: Have exercise equipment delivered to your home. It doesn’t matter what it is, just order it. Commit to a ninety day goal of getting  committed, like the infomercial said. After ninety days, return the exercise stuff, or eBay it. Clearly it doesn’t work. FYI: you probably should have removed it from the box. (just a suggestion)

 

modern-beds.jpg
Only The Most Expensive Will Do 

Second Key Step: Arrange your life to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, nine is better. Buy a foam pillow and the most expensive mattress you can find, and sheets with at least a 9,853 thread count. Drink no liquids after 10:00 A.M. Commit to sixty minutes of  meditation before bedtime. If you are married with children, have your spouse keep the kids quiet and into bed by 7:30 PM. Wear a sleep mask. Play music of the rain forest with gently falling rain and weird bird calls. Get ready to wake up feeling refreshed and energized!

small food plate
Maybe Just Go Off Food

Third Key Step: A better you is only obtainable by eating organic, free-range, uncaged, home grown, whole grain, all natural, healthy food. Make sure it’s lactose, gluten, peanut, additive, preservative, and hormone free. Have no sodium, fat, or calories of any kind. The portions should be no larger than a quarter. In fact, it might be simpler to just go off food.

 

 

bigstock-Stress--business-person-stres-48848486
These People Must Be Avoided

  Fourth Key Step: Do a stress cleanse. Remove all anxieties, fears, frustrations, irritations, annoyances, disturbances, interruptions, moodiness, rudeness, ugliness, and inconveniences. Insulate yourself from noisy, inconsiderate, ill-mannered, self-centered  humans. Separate from all stress inducing people and places as if your were separating yourself from the plague. I can’t stress this point enough.

 

 Lets review: The key steps to a better you are: (1) a ninety day commitment to becoming dedicated to the idea of fitness. (2) Sleep like the dead. (3) Get off all food, now. (4) Relocate to a distant, unpopulated, oxygenated planet.

I promised you four easy steps to a better you, at no cost. So be inspired to begin immediately. The thousand mile journey begins with the first step; and a job once begun is half done. So let me encourage you to get going and get half done!

Good Luck

(Look for the Messiah to be back in my next blog)

 

Sad About The Tree

olive-tree-potted-williams-sonoma-agrarianSome of you will recall that I was given a potted olive tree. I loved that tree. Seven days later I declared it dead. But it rallied, seemed to improve, but no, it finally succumbed. No olives, just littering leaves and brittle branches. Towards the end I cared more about my ability to revive the tree, than the tree reviving. It bothered me that I couldn’t care for it. I felt inadequate and frustrated. “Dumb tree,” I thought.

There are moments when I am self-centered and selfish. I don’t mean to be, but then BAM, there I go, obsessing about myself. I’m not the only one, it’s an epidemic, a global outbreak of the Me-First virus. Actually, it’s just sinfulness. Do you remember Jonah? He was the prophet who reluctantly preached to the Assyrians, in Nineveh. Turned out the whole place just up and repented, and God forgave them, which was the last thing Jonah wanted. He wasn’t happy about it. In fact, he was quite angry. They were Israel’s enemies: vicious and cruel. So Jonah got mad at God, left Nineveh, and found a good spot on a hillside overlooking the city. “Perhaps God will change His mind and nuke the whole place,” was Jonah’s attitude. When it got hot, God provided a shade tree to comfort Jonah. But overnight the tree died and he was miserable. Must have been brutal sitting in the hot sun, waiting for God to rain down fire on Nineveh. But He didn’t.

That’s an example of the Me-First virus. It’s the sin of obsessing over my wants without seeing the needs of others. It’s not Jesus-like.

It’s easy to be selfish and obsess over things. Some of us do it every day. I wonder, could we pick a day to be unselfish. Just one day? Call it a “Me-Last” day. Go for it!