IT’S TRASH DAY
It’s 4:00 in the morning.
I couldn’t sleep, so decided to rise and be productive. First order of business: coffee. Next, I gathered all the trash and got it out to the curb, its trash day.
Now, it’s blogging time.
SPEAKING OF TRASH
You who know loves trash day? My uncle Unky. He and his pet raccoon Chunky, they adore trash day.
If you’ve never had a pet raccoon, and some of you haven’t, then you need to know that they love rummaging through trash. In fact, what they most love is rummaging through other people’s trash.
OTHER PEOPLE’S TRASH
Unky was telling me that Chunky got into a bit of trouble. He lives way out in the country in a small, rusted, tornado beaten trailer. Which is tough enough, but then you add a precocious raccoon into the mix and the whole thing resembles one of those carnivals that come and set up at the Walmart.
Anyway, living so far out of town, Unky only gets trash pick up once a month. By the time trash day arrives, all the paper Piggly Wiggly bags of trash and garbage start stacking up like a small landfill.
Chunky, being the garbage loving critter that he is, will often sneak out, go over to the neighbors, and rummage through their garbage filled bags. Have you ever seen an inspired raccoon go through other people’s garbage? No? Well, it’s a sight.
Unky woke up, figured out what Chunky was up too, and went looking for him. It took a while to start the truck; it always takes a while since the battery’s been dead since 1987. But once he jumped it, out he went.
AND THERE WAS CHUNKY
And there was Chunky, at the top of the pile, head first inside a greasy bag of garbage. All Unky could see was Chunky’s rather generous rear end sticking out. Many of us would wonder if it was Chunky or some other raccoon. But Unky knew who it was; he’s always had a keen eye for such things.
WELL OUT HE CAME
What happened next is still being debated the highest level. Which for them is Elmer Watergate’s feed store, since he’s the volunteer Sheriff. Apparently, Unky’s neighbor was awakened by Chunky’s rather enthusiastic rummaging, and came charging out of his tent with his shotgun loaded for bear. Which was odd since there aren’t any bears.
He fired the first barrel into the air and asked what in the tarnation was going on. Uncle Unky shouted out to him, “It’s okay Morty, it’s just me and Chunky.”
I don’t know how close they came to getting that second barrel, but they were close. One of them could have been hurt, killed, or even worse.
SOME CLOSING THOUGHTS
- If you have a pet raccoon, be sure he respects your neighbor’s garbage.
- You might want to put your trash in one of those cans.
- Don’t’ get upset at the raccoon, he’s naturally curious and has a high tolerance for filth and stench. And they love other people’s trash.
Bless their little hearts.