MOMENTS OF DEEP BETRAYAL
Her husband moved out to move in with someone else.
The long promised promotion was given to a lesser employee.
The investigator’s report revealed one affair after another.
Discovering her best friend was the one who stabbed her in the back.
THE AFTERMATH OF BROKEN TRUST
The pain of betrayal can be so damaging that the betrayed are unable to trust, or love, or move forward with their lives.
THE BETRAYER
- Blind sided you, you just didn’t see it coming.
- Was someone you believed would never hurt you.
- Devastates marriages and destroys relationships.
- Was intentionally reckless, leaving a trail of broken people.
THE BETRAYED
- Can become obsessed with self-incrimination.
- Are filled with bitterness and thoughts of revenge.
- Are often unable to let go of the pain and embarrassment.
- Sometimes retreats into a dark emotional place, and stays there.
SOME THOUGHTS ON OVERCOMING BETRAYAL
THE LONG HAUL-the first step is to acknowledge that recovery will take time. Of course, it depends on the kind of betrayal, but for the worst kind, it may take a year, or two, or even longer. Deep betrayal is not unlike a death, causing grief and pain. Betrayal can also create deep anger and bitterness. It’s going to take some time to work through it so be patient. You are in for the long haul.
CLARITY-recovery will include some introspection: “Why didn’t I see it coming?” or “How could I have trusted him?” and “Am I stupid, gullible, or blind?” Recovery wrestles with tough questions. You may discover that you’ve been naive or living in denial. If you have a history of relationships that end with you being ended, then gaining some emotional intelligence may be in order.
A HEART OF STONE-a stone heart isn’t healthy. Invulnerability only locks your pain inside. Never trusting again is a natural reaction, but it isn’t good. Be advised, you will likely experience a phase encouraging emotional withdrawal while seeking angry revenge, don’t let it consume you. Healthy forward progress isn’t found in closing your heart but in letting it open. It’s choosing a path that will lead to your best life.
WISE SUPPORT–not walling yourself off means staying available for healthy support. Overcoming betrayal almost certainly requires assistance from others. Choose carefully. If you have family and friends that love and care for you then don’t let pride and embarrassment hold you back. We all need help now and then. Finding wise support is good and healthy. You may also need professional help. Find the support you need.
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
Jesus was betrayed. He knew it was coming but I’m guessing it still hurt. How did Esau feel when his mother and brother stole their father’s blessing? Did King David’s affair with Bathsheba violate trust within his household? How did Moses feel when he found his brother and fellow Israelites engaged in pagan worship?
Many of us know betrayal in its various and toxic forms. Perhaps this blog is being read by some who have done the betraying?
TO CLOSE
A blog can’t address all the needs, questions and issues created by betrayal. But I hope it’s offered some encouragement and comfort to those living with its wounds.
So, to those who have been betrayed, know that I am one of you, and I pray that God will bless you and be with you on your journey to overcome betrayal’s pain.
Rick Fyffe 