Call Me Ishmael

 “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

A Problem

My back yard had a flower bed between the garage and the pool deck. It had roses, a box hedge, and gobs of weeds and grasses. It was overgrown and ugly so I took out the box hedge, removed the rose bushes, and dug out all the grass. I was careful to get the roots.

It was a tough job but I’m a tough guy.

Except that it hurt my back, gave me blisters, and the thorns scratched my arms. I also got a sun burn and a headache. And I emerged with mosquito bites that looked like the measles. And my good sneakers got muddy.

muddy sneakers
Not my actual sneakers, but close, really very close. 

However, I leveled the soil, laid down a weed guard, and finished with pavers and pea gravel. It looks terrific.

Except, I can’t stop the grass from springing up. It’s not Bermuda, it’s a demon grass. It’s hardy and vigorous. It’s also ugly and unwelcome. Be gone demon grass.

Me Against The Grass

  • I’ve tried weed/grass killer.
  • Then I tried a different weed/grass killer.
  • I’ve tried pulling it up by the roots.
  • I’ve attacked it with the string edger.
  • I’ve stood and glared at it while saying hateful things.

And still it grows. It mocks me. Call me Ishmael, for the grass is my white whale and Moby is winning.

Other Considerations

  • Pull up the pavers, pea gravel, and weed guard.
  • Pour cement.
  • Build something on it.
  • Extend the pool deck.
  • Widen the garage.

Some of these may be a bit extreme.

The Final Solution

  • Sell the house
  • Okay, we aren’t selling the house. We just bought it nine months ago.

The Ultimate Final Solution

  • Learn to love the unwanted grass.
  • But I can’t. I’ve tried. Really, I have. 

To Close

If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, then my neighbors must envy me. I have some of  the greenest and most fertile grass on the block.


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