“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”
My back yard had a flower bed between the garage and the pool deck. It had roses, a box hedge, and gobs of weeds and grasses. It was overgrown and ugly so I took out the box hedge, removed the rose bushes, and dug out all the grass. I was careful to get the roots.
It was a tough job but I’m a tough guy.
Except that it hurt my back, gave me blisters, and the thorns scratched my arms. I also got a sun burn and a headache. And I emerged with mosquito bites that looked like the measles. And my good sneakers got muddy.
However, I leveled the soil, laid down a weed guard, and finished with pavers and pea gravel. It looks terrific.
Except, I can’t stop the grass from springing up. It’s not Bermuda, it’s a demon grass. It’s hardy and vigorous. It’s also ugly and unwelcome. Be gone demon grass.
Me Against The Grass
- I’ve tried weed/grass killer.
- Then I tried a different weed/grass killer.
- I’ve tried pulling it up by the roots.
- I’ve attacked it with the string edger.
- I’ve stood and glared at it while saying hateful things.
And still it grows. It mocks me. Call me Ishmael, for the grass is my white whale and Moby is winning.
- Pull up the pavers, pea gravel, and weed guard.
- Pour cement.
- Build something on it.
- Extend the pool deck.
- Widen the garage.
Some of these may be a bit extreme.
The Final Solution
- Sell the house
- Okay, we aren’t selling the house. We just bought it nine months ago.
The Ultimate Final Solution
- Learn to love the unwanted grass.
- But I can’t. I’ve tried. Really, I have.
If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, then my neighbors must envy me. I have some of the greenest and most fertile grass on the block.