Unky & Chunky’s Big Vacation, Pt 3

At The Doo Bear Inn

Unky and Chunky got checked in at the Doo Bear Inn. Unky had not seen such fanciness and neither had Chunky.

They figured out the hair dryer wasn’t a rechargeable flashlight. Unky rejected the offer of turndown service. He felt he had been turned-down enough in his life. He gave up on the TV clicker. At home, he just had Chunky go over and turn the knob like everybody else. Chunky fed quarters in the box that made his bed shake. He just lay there with a big smile, for hours.

Then The Magic Moment

The man came to drive them to the dumpster. Unky said, “Yahoo Chunky, we is going to see the bears.” Unky handed the driver his voucher, slipped him a $1.00 tip, and stuffed Chunky in a shopping bag.

Two minutes later, they arrived. The bears were already in the dumpster and ripping the garbage bags. Unky was beside himself with amusement, the bears were just like he’d seen on the TV.

Local Bears Consuming Area Garbage: Voucher Required 

But Chunky was getting irritated and decided to break out. He climbed up, looked at those big, fat, dumb bears and off he went. The bears saw him snarling with that fierce grin and menacing look and froze. They thought they might be killed or worse.

angry chunky
Chunky: Fierce Grin and Menacing Look

Bits of fur were flying everywhere. Chunky was holding his own until he got paw slapped against the dumpster. He was slug-like; dazed and defeated.

Then out of nowhere, someone walked up and waved the bears away. Unky was amazed the person wasn’t afraid, since most people are skittish around Chunky. And the bears were getting surely too.

The stranger reached down and patted Chunky on his battered little head, then picked him up and faced the van.

Chunky in a dumpster
Chunky: Dazed and Confused

It was love at first sight.

She was a fellow animal lover and a nearly handsome woman. She was wearing a plaid hat with the earflaps down; her thick glasses reflected the light in a special way. She was wearing an “I Heart Dumpster Bears” t-shirt, same as Unky. They both got one at the gift shop located in the back of the van. Yep, she was a keeper.

Then Chunky, reviving from the paw wallop, reached up and accidentally knocked her teeth out. “O boy, she’s just like me,” Unky thought. She smiled her toothless little smile and said, “Hi, I’m Gurtie May Wastebinder, who are you?” Then Unky did something so unlike him; he reached up and took his own teeth out. Without another word, Unky and Gurtie May were thick as ticks and walked off hand in hand to the Moo Cow Shack for an ice cream soda.

Poor Chunky

Poor Chunky was left behind, alone. And he was getting mad at Unky for making a fool of himself. His best buddy was sitting there with that woman with the ear flaps, sharing a soda; and was doing pretty good in spite of not having his teeth.

Unky began telling her about life in Doofus County when Gertie May suddenly lit up and said that she was from Doofus County too!

“Are you related to BoBo and BeBe Wastebinder, of the Wastebinder Happy Worm Farm,” asked Unky? She said, “I sure am.”

Unky, full of glee, blissfully slurped.

What’s A Raccoon To Do?

Chunky felt a certain surge. It wasn’t jealousy or anger. It was nausea. He couldn’t let this flap-hatted interloper steal his best and closest friend. So he set to scheming on how to save his friendship.

Stay tuned for Part 4 and the conclusion of: Unky and Chunky’s Big Vacation

Unky & Chunky’s Big Vacation, Pt 2

When We Last Saw Them

scary man   Chunky smiling

Uncle Unky had won the grand prize for being the 700th shopper at the Food and Such. He received an all expenses paid trip to the Colorado Mountains! It included a bus ticket, some Piggy Puffs and lime soda for the bus ride, a night in the Do Bear Inn (with free cable),  some fast food coupons, and a voucher to visit a dumpster featuring some local bears.

Unky was gripped with joy until he found out that Chunky the raccoon, his best and closest friend, couldn’t go, it was a trip for one.

Then Unky had a brainstorm. He would sneak Chunky on the bus and the two of them would go and have the trip of a lifetime.


Unky and Chunky Go To Colorado

In his enthusiasm, Unky failed to think through the complexities of hiding a rambunctious raccoon for a 36-hour bus ride. But Unky stuffed Chunky, along with some candy bars, into a Food and Such shopping bag and stapled it shut. Since his suitcases were Food and Such shopping bags it seemed a good idea. They boarded the bus and off they went!

raccoon in a bag
Simulation Only: Not An Actual Food& Stuff Shopping Bag-Suitcase

Here’s What Happened

The bus was making progress; it left Doofus County and was almost to the paved road. Then it happened. Somebody was eating a sauerkraut and Limburger sandwich, with baloney and onions. A couple of whiffs and wham, Chunky was clawing his way out. Pour Unky didn’t know what to do. That delicacy-crazed critter was mad with a mission and couldn’t be stopped.

angry chunky
Chunky: Mad With A Mission

His little head popped up, he looked around, and took off up the aisle. The passengers took note that there was a raccoon loose on the bus, but in Doofus County, such things weren’t considered all that odd.

Well, Chunky found the sandwich eater, jumped into her lap, and attacked her snack. Thinking this rude, she got up, grabbed her purse and began whacking Chunky on the head. “You hairy little varmint, let go of my sandwich,” she said. Chunky wasn’t letting go. So she kept on whacking and Chunky kept on eating. He didn’t really mind, as it wasn’t unusual for people to whack him on the head.

By then, the bus driver had pulled over. He told her to sit down, buckle up, and stop beating the raccoon. Unky, feeling awkward, apologized and offered her his complimentary bag of piggy puffs and lime soda. She wasn’t happy, but she accepted. Then the driver told Unky to get Chunky caged or he would throw them both off the bus. But Unky didn’t have a cage, just the sad remains of a Food and Such suitcase-bag. So he told him to lock Chunky in the lavatory.

This didn’t seem right but what else could he do? So Unky opened the lavatory and wouldn’t you know it, sitting there was the sandwich lady’s husband, just minding his business. He did seem puzzled by the presence of a raccoon with a half eaten sandwich in his hand, and said, “Hey, my wife eats sandwiches just like that!”

Sensing an opportunity, Chunky seized the moment. He jumped on top of his head, curled up and made like a raccoon-hat. It was a sight.

raccoon hat
A Simulation: Not The Lavatory Guy

Eventually, the man returned to his seat to comfort his confused and hungry wife. But they enjoyed the unexpected boon of some Piggy-Puffs and Lime Soda.

Then Later….

The remainder of the bus ride was relatively peaceful, although the passengers found it awkward sharing the lavatory with a snippy raccoon.

But the hours passed and finally the driver announced that they had crossed into Colorado. Within minutes, the bus pulled up to the Do Bear Inn. Funky and Chunky gathered their shopping bag-luggage and stepped of the bus.

Unky was keenly aware that the Inn wouldn’t accept Chunky, since the prize was just for one. So he looked around, saw an empty Piggy Puff bag and stuffed Chunky inside. Smiling ear to ear he stepped up to the front desk and checked in.

The greatest adventure of their lives was happening, for one night. But it would be a night they would never forget. Unky would see the dumpster bears and Chunky would get the garbage.

bears in dumpsters.jpg
Local Bears: Voucher Required 

But that’s not all!

To be continued….

Look for Part Three, “Unky and Chunky’s Big Vacation”

Unky & Chunky’s Big Vacation

scary man   Chunky smiling

An Odd Thing

It’s uncommon for the good folks of Doofus County to take vacations. Life there is so laid-back and unproductive that going somewhere to relax would just be odd.

Here’s What Happened

One day my Uncle Unky went over to the Food & Such to pick up some frozen pizzas for Chunky. (Chunky is a raccoon and is Unky’s best and closest friend.)

As he walked into the store it suddenly went nilly-willy. The lights flickered, a balloon came down, and it was pandemonium. The manger rushed up and congratulated Unky on being the 700th Food & Such shopper! A grand prize came with the prestigious honor.

Well, Unky was just undone and he nearly lost his teeth. The prize was an all expenses paid trip to the Colorado Mountains. Unky was flummoxed, as he had never been outside of Doofus County, except for that one time when he had to appear in court for Chunky’s drunk and disorderly charge.

The grand prize package included:

  1. A seat on a charter bus.
  2. A voucher for a bag of piggy puffs and a lime soda.
  3. Overnight accommodations for one for one night.
  4. Coupons to local fast food places.
  5. A voucher to visit a local dumpster frequented by bears.

It just bedazzled Unky as he had always wanted to see a bear.

A Local Attraction: Voucher Required

But Then…

In his jubilation Unky shouted, “Oh boy, me and Chunky is going to see the bears.” Then the hard reality of being a major award winner hit him. The Food & Such manager said, “Sorry Unky, but the trip is just for one, Chunky will have to stay home.”

Unky was crestfallen. For the second time in three minutes he nearly lost his teeth.

He said, “I can’t leave Chunky behind, he’s my best and closest friend.”

NOTE: The family has some concerns about Unky and Chunky’s relationship. But if he makes Unky happy, then we say good for Chunky.

Well, the manager wasn’t backing down; and the Food & Such sure wasn’t paying an extra $17.25 so a raccoon could have a seat on the bus. And he was pretty sure that the bus driver wouldn’t allow a raccoon to get on anyway. So poor old Unky took his grand prize envelope of coupons and vouchers and sadly shuffled home.

Then Genius Fell

About a quarter mile from home, Unky felt something like a blow to the head. It was an idea. He would sneak Chunky on the bus and the two of them would go together. It was pure genius!

It was to be a trip of a lifetime. Unky would get to see the dumpster bears and Chunky would get to eat the garbage. It was a win-win. 

Chunky in a dumpster
That Chunky Sure Loves His Garbage

Colorado mountains here we come!

To be continued…

Look For Part Two of “Unky and Chunky’s Big Vacation”