When We Last Saw Them
Uncle Unky had won the grand prize for being the 700th shopper at the Food and Such. He received an all expenses paid trip to the Colorado Mountains! It included a bus ticket, some Piggy Puffs and lime soda for the bus ride, a night in the Do Bear Inn (with free cable), some fast food coupons, and a voucher to visit a dumpster featuring some local bears.
Unky was gripped with joy until he found out that Chunky the raccoon, his best and closest friend, couldn’t go, it was a trip for one.
Then Unky had a brainstorm. He would sneak Chunky on the bus and the two of them would go and have the trip of a lifetime.
Unky and Chunky Go To Colorado
In his enthusiasm, Unky failed to think through the complexities of hiding a rambunctious raccoon for a 36-hour bus ride. But Unky stuffed Chunky, along with some candy bars, into a Food and Such shopping bag and stapled it shut. Since his suitcases were Food and Such shopping bags it seemed a good idea. They boarded the bus and off they went!
Here’s What Happened
The bus was making progress; it left Doofus County and was almost to the paved road. Then it happened. Somebody was eating a sauerkraut and Limburger sandwich, with baloney and onions. A couple of whiffs and wham, Chunky was clawing his way out. Pour Unky didn’t know what to do. That delicacy-crazed critter was mad with a mission and couldn’t be stopped.
His little head popped up, he looked around, and took off up the aisle. The passengers took note that there was a raccoon loose on the bus, but in Doofus County, such things weren’t considered all that odd.
Well, Chunky found the sandwich eater, jumped into her lap, and attacked her snack. Thinking this rude, she got up, grabbed her purse and began whacking Chunky on the head. “You hairy little varmint, let go of my sandwich,” she said. Chunky wasn’t letting go. So she kept on whacking and Chunky kept on eating. He didn’t really mind, as it wasn’t unusual for people to whack him on the head.
By then, the bus driver had pulled over. He told her to sit down, buckle up, and stop beating the raccoon. Unky, feeling awkward, apologized and offered her his complimentary bag of piggy puffs and lime soda. She wasn’t happy, but she accepted. Then the driver told Unky to get Chunky caged or he would throw them both off the bus. But Unky didn’t have a cage, just the sad remains of a Food and Such suitcase-bag. So he told him to lock Chunky in the lavatory.
This didn’t seem right but what else could he do? So Unky opened the lavatory and wouldn’t you know it, sitting there was the sandwich lady’s husband, just minding his business. He did seem puzzled by the presence of a raccoon with a half eaten sandwich in his hand, and said, “Hey, my wife eats sandwiches just like that!”
Sensing an opportunity, Chunky seized the moment. He jumped on top of his head, curled up and made like a raccoon-hat. It was a sight.
Eventually, the man returned to his seat to comfort his confused and hungry wife. But they enjoyed the unexpected boon of some Piggy-Puffs and Lime Soda.
The remainder of the bus ride was relatively peaceful, although the passengers found it awkward sharing the lavatory with a snippy raccoon.
But the hours passed and finally the driver announced that they had crossed into Colorado. Within minutes, the bus pulled up to the Do Bear Inn. Funky and Chunky gathered their shopping bag-luggage and stepped of the bus.
Unky was keenly aware that the Inn wouldn’t accept Chunky, since the prize was just for one. So he looked around, saw an empty Piggy Puff bag and stuffed Chunky inside. Smiling ear to ear he stepped up to the front desk and checked in.
The greatest adventure of their lives was happening, for one night. But it would be a night they would never forget. Unky would see the dumpster bears and Chunky would get the garbage.
But that’s not all!